My Emotional Eating Disorder

What I'm sharing below in this post is something that I've battled with for a few years, but it recently in the past year took complete control over my entire life and has been really hard for me to overcome. This is the first time I've shared it publicly and only after much back and forth on whether I should share it. My husband and I recently went to a marriage retreat and during it we had to do an exercise to determine what "country" we are from. Shockingly, my "country" that I'm from is the "Perfect Country". We in the "Perfect Country" want everything in life to be perfect (obviously) but it's more than that - we are the hardest on ourselves, we don't like to put ourselves out there to try new things if we think we won't be good at it, we like things to be organized & neat & everything has it's place, etc. I felt because I'm a health + wellness coach that I was a fraud since I had this eating disorder. Health + wellness coaches have to be PERFECT with their workouts & nutrition, right? I felt like I couldn't share my struggle because then people would think I wasn't good at my job. How dare I be a normal human being that has ups & downs, struggles & failures...

This is me swallowing my pride. This is me being real + authentic. This is me opening up a little (okay, A LOT) to show you what has been happening in my life in hopes that it can shed some light into my struggle and hopefully give you HOPE + inspire you if you've gone through an eating disorder or are currently going through one right now and need something to grab ahold of to know you CAN overcome it.

So, here it is...

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I don’t remember when it happened. I can’t pin-point a moment in time where I started eating my emotions. I honestly don’t remember a lot because I think I hid my pain with food. When things were bad I would temporarily make myself feel better with food. The happiness only lasted a brief moment because as soon as I was done eating the emotional attachment that I had to that action would disappear and I would be left with the anger, the stress, the unhappiness -- whatever it was that day that was making me eat my feelings.

My main eating addiction was ice cream. It used to be funny. It used to be something that was FUNNY about me. Like - “Hi, my name is Karlie. I’m a paralegal in the Air Force and I have a slight obsession with ice cream.”  Get it? LIke it was funny.  Key word…. WAS. My mother-in-law actually overnighted my favorite flavor ice cream from my favorite ice cream place in Oklahoma to me on dry ice for my birthday when I lived in South Georgia. It was funny. What wasn’t funny… I ate the four ½ gallon ice cream containers in 2 days. But back then, it was funny. I just didn’t SEE it. Sometimes even now, I just don’t understand how it went from something funny, something maybe even CUTE… to something that haunts me.

I guess I started noticing that I MAY have a problem was when my husband would go to the grocery store without me and I would secretly hope that he would bring me a pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream.  And when he didn’t buy me any… I was angry at him. Literally. I would think in my head that he should have known to get me some ice cream because he knew I had a stressful day & he KNOWS ice cream is my favorite thing in the world & that I always feel better after ice cream.  (KUDOS to my man for trying to not feed my eating disorder FOR SURE, I realize that now.) This happened for months though without me realizing this wasn’t normal behavior. Scary, right? It should have been obvious, right? I tell myself that now.

When he did buy me the pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream…. It would be consumed in 10 minutes… MAX.  There was no eating half of it and saving the other half for later.  Never.  And don’t even get me started on sharing.  

I just thought it was my THING.  My husband is a meat and potatoes guy and I have a major sweet tooth -- that was that.  But it wasn’t.  If it was a once a month kind of thing, sure. Except it wasn’t.  It was a daily thing.  And if it wasn’t ice cream it was chocolate or something else that was SUPER sugary & caused my brain to trick itself into happiness for a few moments.

It got the worst it has ever been when we were living in Colorado. A couple things really triggered it. The first thing was my depression. I've battled with depression for a long time and for the past 4 years it's been managed pretty well, even non-existent during some phases of my life, but it always loves to rear it's ugly head when I feel overwhelmed and stressed. Not a lot of people know this, but we are a one car family and during the day when my husband was at work Brody and I are left without a car to amuse ourselves in our apartment or places around the apartment that we could walk to safely. That was okay with us during the summertime in Colorado because we would get out daily in the perfect weather to go on walks, run after the rabbits, chalk outside, etc. It was so much fun! But what we weren't prepared for (mainly myself) was the fact that Colorado gets A LOT of snow. And a 2 year old can't stay outside in below freezing weather in the snow for that long (this I knew) so we were huddled up in the apartment all day long, for days at a time. I think at one point I hadn't been outside for like a week and I would want to just go to the grocery store so I could get out from the walls of our apartment and feel like a normal human being again.

Secondly, around October I started having all these weird symptoms of SOMETHING. First, I thought I had strep throat. Got tested, came back negative. Then, I thought I had tonsilitis because my throat still was in SO much pain and I couldn't even eat normal foods because swallowing my own saliva hurt so bad. Got tested, came back negative. They tried to diagnosis me with something that seemed legit to me and put me on an antibiotic. Symptoms all came back within a few days of the medicine. Went to a different doctor. Got tested for 3 different things, all came back negative. BUT, all my symptoms were still there -- dizzy, exhausted, light headed, sore throat, swollen lymph nodes, pain behind my ears and near my lower jaw, and a few others. Got tested for mono, came back negative. Switched to the third doctor who did a complete blood count on me. Waited a week with all my symptoms still RAGING, the blood work came back NEGATIVE for everything! So I was given a steroid while I waited for a SECOND complete blood work test to come back with results. Guess what? Everything was negative. I was then placed on another antibiotic -- by the end of it I took 3 different antibiotics and one round of steroids and was consuming the only thing that sounded good to me with my throat hurting and the only thing that made me feel better at all (emotionally mainly) -- ice cream.


This lasted until December when we moved to Oklahoma City. All my symptoms subsided for two weeks and I was overjoyed. Maybe it was something in the air in Colorado?!?! That's what I kept telling myself, lol. Well, then I had to go back to Denver for drill duty since I was still in the Air National Guard there. I was there for 2 full days and all my symptoms came back by the time I drove back to Oklahoma City. But this time, they didn't go away when I went to Oklahoma. I got tested by a different doctor and ended up having strep this time -- another round of antibiotics.

LONG STORY SHORT: I was sick and had no idea what I was sick with from October until April. March 1st I got my impacted wisdom teeth removed (one month of recovering - during the course of that month I got 2 infections and was placed on 3 different antibiotics). FINALLY. FINALLY. In April I finally got my health back.

But. The damage of 7 months of eating like crap, feeding my emotions, and taking countless amounts of medication left me with... 30 extra pounds. I went from 135 pounds to pushing almost 170. The most I've ever weighed outside of being pregnant (I weighed 189 at the end of my pregnancy).

So from the middle of April to now (June 5th) I've been healing my self-destructive ways slowly but surely. I've been focusing on PROGRESS over PERFECTION. I still have bad days. I still have days where I eat way too much -- days where I've still eaten ice cream (working on this STILL, but it's more of once a month thing now) -- days where I don't want to get my workout in. I'm human. The last month and a half I've gotten to 158 pounds. Shooting for my regular weight, but I'm not being hard on myself if it takes me 6 months to get there. I'm very realistic with the fact that I put the weight on in a certain amount of time, so I need to give myself that same amount of time (if not more) to lose it.

Although I want to get back to the weight that I'm most comfortable at, it's more than that. It's more than what the scale says. The reality is that for the past 6 months I haven't been able to wear ANY of my jeans - the only pants I'm able to fit in are my fitness leggings that are stretchy. The reality is that when I walk, my thighs rub together and when I'm wearing shorts (around the house) and my thighs rub or stick together and it hurts. The reality is that I don't feel comfortable with the extra 30 pounds on my frame. I can't keep up with my son anymore. I feel uncomfortable and embarrassed going out in public.

My goal is to not eat ice cream for the month of June. That might seem drastic to some people, but for myself - ice cream triggers more cravings for me and since I've identified it as a trigger... I want to stay as far away as possible from it.

I'm focusing on being gentle on myself. I'm focusing on finding the joy in every day. I'm focusing on healing and positivity and growth.


I'm focusing on the GOOD, rather than the bad because I'm a firm believer in what you think about is what you attract.

Eat Good. Feel Good.

If you believe you can, you can. And I, 100%, no 
doubts at all, know that I CAN.

Stay tuned - in two weeks I'll reveal my 3 weeks of progress with the 21 Day Fix Extreme workout & meal plan.

What Is Beachbody Coaching?

I'll be honest -- I'm a very irrational person and I say that because it didn't take much to "convince" me to become a Beachbody coach.  All I remember is constantly bugging my husband with potential passions of mine.  I'm pretty sure that I asked him weekly, if not daily, do you think I'd be good at this or that?  I desperately needed and wanted to find something that gave me purpose, satisfaction, & made me feel like I was making a difference.  Becoming a Beachbody coach literally fell into my lap and I didn't doubt one thing about it. 

 

  

I knew NOTHING about it.  All I knew was every coach I saw looked so happy and were in amazing shape.  Now that I am a coach I know that there is much more than meets the eye.  Yes, every coach I have met is extremely happy and positive and they are ALL striving to meet their own personal fitness goals, but it is also this incredible business that has changed me personally more on the inside than the outside.

If you've been searching for something, but not quite sure what it is you have been searching for -- this may possibly be it.

If you feel like you are just watching your life pass you by and you want to do SO much more with your life this is for YOU!  Don't let another day pass you by wondering what IF.

The group starts this Friday, February 20th -- request to join the group at:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/904612452896326/  

There are absolutely no obligations and no one will be that ICKY salesman.  This is for you to get any questions you may have answered or to just be a fly on the wall to see what this is all about!





MY 21 DAY FIX EXTREME PLAN

Week one is about to go down in the books & I'm so PUMPED for MANY reasons.  The creator of this program, Autumn, also created the 21 Day Fix and that launched almost EXACTLY a year ago, February 2014.  It really broke everything down for me on eating portions sizes with the easy little containers that came with the program and made me realize that I had a problem with OVEREATING.  There is such a thing as overeating even healthy things! 

The nutrition part was my ABSOLUTE favorite part of the program, but you honestly can't beat 30 minute workouts, which is my IDEAL time for a workout.  ANYONE can fit in a 30 minute workout, NO EXCUSES!  Lifting weights are also my go-to kind of workout, so with the coupling of 30 minute workouts with weights... I was in heaven!  I got AMAZING results from it & from February on for the rest of the year I did the 21 Day Fix & maintained (for the most part). 

Well, now is THEE next challenge.  The new 21 DF EXTREME brings everything up a notch, or two, or FIVE and BLASTS away those last pesky pounds that may be lingering.  I've had some stubborn fat lingering in my lower body (thighs, hips, & booty) that I'm just BEYOND ready to work off & from what everyone has said & all the transformation photos... it'll happen with this program! 

With Extreme, Autumn also added her COUNTDOWN TO COMPETITION plan that she does when she is prepping for her bikini competitions & because I'm wanting EXTREME results I'll be following that plan, as well as the hubby!  It focuses on carb depletion, which helps you burn through those last stores of body fat, while still continuing to fuel you through your workouts & in a healthy way!  I fell into the 1,500-1,799 calorie range since I am in the active lifestyle bracket.

My grocery list for the hubby & I: 

Our fridge is now stocked to the MAAAAX with lots of eggs, chicken, & broccoli (unseen in the pic) & much more that'll keep us 100% on track this week.  We are HUGE believers in if you fail to plan then you are planning to fail.




















In addition to buy all the needed supplies for the week, I also took some time to sit down & create a meal plan for what I will be eating this week.  I print this off & have it on the fridge & I have a picture saved to my phone so I never have to guess what it is that I'm going to be eating during the week.  Planning out what I have to eat for each meal only takes 10 minutes & making the excel spreadsheet another 10 minutes -- that'll save me precious minutes throughout the week. 

The white colored columns is the Countdown to Competition meal plan and the grey colored columns is the Extreme Meal Plan.

For the workouts:  You will need a set of light and heavy weights for the workouts.  I use 5 pounds & 10 pounds.  The hubby uses 15 pounds & 20 pounds -- yeah, I know he's crazy!  Haha!  I'm also adding in a resistance band for the Pilates workout, but it's optional!  We got all our stuff from Academy, but you can find everything at Walmart or Target. 

Wish us luck -- Brody is cheering us on already!!!!!








If you would like to join me and get in the best shape of your life with the 21 Day Fix Extreme, simply fill out the application below and I will contact you with more details!

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